My brothers death

This was a draft I wrote in 2010 Forgot to publish it. -

I get a call near midnight from my father who's explaining my brother has passed away. This news and hearing my father cry at the samtime was and is extremely heart breaking. Being with family,sharing memories, seeing photo's are all hard. But viewing his body was the hardest.

The thing is...I'm not use to seeing my brother because he's always away.And he's Hardly around. Due to his choice of life to live. So when I saw him laying there, as if he was just asleep. I knew that if he was awake, he would ask me how I was doing and hug me :) But no...not this time. He just laid there, he looked peaceful. But my heart was breaking. And I couldn't help but love on him, kiss him, hug him. I didn't want to leave him. The over protective Big sister feelings started to emerge. He is still My Billy and will always will be.

I can't control when my tears come. They come when they surface.

Loan Loan Loan

I have 11k Student loan, and I really need to get this paid off (interest is killing me) . I'm thinking of coming up with something I can make to pay it off. And either sell it off ebay or etsy.com I'm trying to come up with something that's not expensive to make and cheap for a person to buy. (which will I think grab someones attention).

Any idea's? Only thing is...I'm not a crafty kind of person ummm so I might have to buy something cheap and sell it for a little more than I bought it. Ohhh I don't know. How I wish there was interest free loans. It would make paying a loan back more enjoyable. To see the numbers go down and know they will stay down would be nice and encouraging to pay it all off.

I think this is a venting entry.

Christina

Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring

I haven't written an entry for a while now. I think I get caught up on facebook and forget about this site. But today something happen and I really didn't want to share it on facebook,so I decided to come here instead.

Tuesday night I was discussing with a group of ladies that it's been a while since I had a siezure since I started some new medicine. I said this with an attitude of being thankful for the right medicine. Thinking I will now have no problems now because everything is solved. I felt good.

This morning as I was praying,I thanked the Lord for this day, I thanked him for his strength in my weakness, I told him I trusted his plans for my life. That he will give me whatever I need to overcome whatever circumstances I'm in.

I totally believe in his providence and sovereignty in all things.

Well guess what happen to me this afternoon, I had a seizure :/ And I thought, Why? It felt as if God was saying... Now do you really Trust me. What's weird is that I was reading John this morning (before the seizure) and I was reading about Jesus feeding the 5000. He asked Phillip where he could by bread so that the people could eat. And the scriptures say in John 6:6 He said this to test him, for he himself knew what he would do.

God knew my prayers even before I spoke it ,And I believe it was part of his plan for me to have my seizure later on that same day. It all goes together I believe, for my good, to make me more like him, to bring Glory to Christ. I have prayed a "whatever it takes Lord" prayer with my whole heart,and meant it. And even though my shoulder hurts,my tongue hurts,and my body aches. I still mean it. Whatever it takes Lord. There is a scripture that sums up total Trust. It's in Job, and it's one of my favorites.

Job 13:14 Though he slay me, I will hope in him;

That scripture will sum up my final thoughts and feelings here now, and I'll end this blog. I'm glad I have came back. I have a lot of catching up to do.

Christina

Praise You in this Storm: An Animation

History of short/long hair

I only keep my hair long because my husband likes it that way. And I've been reading articles how men perfer long hair, and women prefer short hair. Most women feel pressure( by other women) to cut their hair short after the age of 40. Maybe thats why I want to cut my hair short? Most women my age and older all have short hair, and honestly I feel like the weird one because my hair is long. Also intelligence, powerful, and well to do ladies are associated with "short hair". But , Victoria secret women, desperate housewives,and sex pots like ginger on Gilligans island and Jessica rabbit in who framed roger rabbit all have long hair.

A famous woman -Joan of arc- was a center of controversy because she cut her long hair short. And in the 1920's there was controversy among the women about the getting the new "bob" look. The husbands did not like it..and neither did most women.

In an April 1927 issue of Pictorial Review, a well-known opera singer of the 1920s named Mary Garden (1874–1967) wrote an article titled "Why I Bobbed My Hair" explaining to her fans why she cut off her long hair. She said, "Bobbed hair is a state of mind and not merely a new manner of dressing my head.… I consider getting rid of our long hair one of the many little shackles that women have cast aside in their passage to freedom." This statement expresses the underlying reason behind the 1920s fad of short hair for women. While until World War I (1914–18) long and carefully styled hair had been a symbol of elegant femininity, never cut except in times of serious illness, during the Roaring Twenties, a time of rebellion and newfound freedoms following the calamities of World War I, short hair on women became a symbol of liberation, fun, and daring. Read more: Short Hair for Women - Fashion, Costume, and Culture: Clothing, Headwear, Body Decorations, and Footwear through the Ages.

So.. I just wanted to share some of the stuff I've been learning.What is your take on it?

Sin

I'm frustrated, again. Maybe I'm blind to Grace? Maybe what seems worldly to me.. isn't? Maybe being set apart isn't what I think it means? Maybe what may be worldly to me isn't worldly to someone else? Maybe following the steps of Christ, isn't what I think it is.

Maybe I'm too serious, like my family says I am.
Maybe I'm judging or looking far into what is acceptable and what isn't.

I want to ask... WHO HATES SIN? Do you really? Do I really? Does it just grieve you to tears? Ever feel like beating your chest because of it? I hate that my sins killed Christ.

Do you hate hearing blasphemy, filthy words, lies, ? Why listen to it in movies?
Do you hate adultery? tell me why surround yourself with movies that glorify it?
Do you hate your own sins? I hate that I sin... and I want anybody and everyone to tell me when I am, when I don't see it myself.

And I don't understand why others are not open to this?

Am I wrong in all this?

Maybe I just want him to return soon, to get rid of this sin, this battle, this flesh.

A vow honored /dishonored

Many may not know this, but I have worked with the elderly since I was 16. My specialty is with Alzheimer. I have seen the most saddest things, and the most beautiful things with this disease. First I would like to say that, the hardest part about Alzheimer is the pain that the family goes through while slowly thier parents or spouses can not reconize them anymore. The hurt is unspeakable because most believe that if she or he truly loved them, they would remember. Of course this is not the case.

I have seen husbands come in and talk to their wives, without any recognition, thank you's or I love you's back.

I have seen wives come in and take care of their husbands, while the husband is calling her bad names, because he thinks this woman is a snoopy nurse.

I have seen wives, tear up, infront of me, because there once strong,intelligent husband, has become childlike, and is not acting like the leader she married.

It's a hard road to go down through. But I find it amazing how husbands and wives love thier spouses without any of the love in return. It seems like they remember who they really were, and choose to see them in this light. They know thier husband or wife would be grateful, They know that if it were them wearing their shoes, he or she would take care of them the exact way they are now. They honor the vow...through sickness and health.

But there is a sad part, I've seen some sad sights.
I've seen the elderly placed in facilites where the staff is underpaid, and sparse. I've seen Alzimer patients just walking around and around in a small square room with the tv on. I've seen bed sores, bruises, and have heard them crying in thier beds. No one comes to visit them. People treat them as if they are a pain in the neck. No love, no comfort, no loving touches. It so sad, and it just angers me to the core!

What about all those years of mothering, cleaning, loving, their children and spouses? All the Christmas presents, birthday cakes, and I love you's they said as their spouse or children walked out of the door each day? And what about the Father and husbands who went to work,each day, for years, providing food, comfort, love to their family??? I have seen the old cry..and held their hand as they did. I have held unto a mother who has alzheimers, while she cried her eyes out thinking her kids don't love her, because they never come by and talk to her. Even though she talked with her daughter 10 min ago.

As you can see, I have a heart for the elderly. I love them, I love thier stories and their wisdom. I think respect for the elderly has gone out of America. Because you usally don't see these things in other parts of the country. And what saddens me most is that... the best generation of the elderly are now dying out. Our elderly are going to be from the years of the 60's to 80's soon. And what kind of people were they? The good o'l days are going to be gone. The good old stories from the old are dying with them. Could you imagine hearing from elderly lips the stories from the great time they had at Woodstock? It just doesn't seem right.

Just sharing something on my heart.

Christina